Thursday, January 6, 2011

The exploding sex toy: Only in Waseca County? Only in Waseca County

A few weeks ago Janesville made the news when an elderly woman conned a young man into acting as a getaway driver during a bank robbery. This time, it's not Janesville but neighboring Waseca that's making headlines among true-crime fans. A disturbed 37-year-old named Terry Lester was arrested for attempting to turn a sex toy into an explosive device. There's really not much more to add to a sentence like that, is there? Apparently upset with several women he used to date, the innovative - if dangerous - Lester, "made some modifications to a sex toy. He put gun powder, BB shot and buck shot from shotgun shells into one with black and red wires that connected to a trigger with a battery port," according to the Waseca County News story.

Has this been attempted before? Probably. Everything's been tried before. Still, this sounds like the type of plan dreamed up during a long night at the bar, perhaps while in the company of an old friend from work who was also recently dumped by his girlfriend. The two start talking, badmouthing their exes and dreaming up schemes. As the Hamm's flows, the revenge fantasy grows.

"She said she didn't need me no more. Said she didn't need me at all, not my paycheck, not in bed, nothin'."

"You know what you should do? She don't need you in bed? Bet she uses one of them devices, right? I know my old lady loved them damn things. What you do is, rig that thing up with some buck shot, a little gun powder, and there you go." (insert man's friend making the type of grunting sounds popularized by Tim Allen on Home Improvement).

This could have national implications. Two weeks ago, as I prepared to fly back home to Minnesota, I watched a TV report detailing the TSA's concern about terrorists putting explosives in thermoses. Thermoses. How long before we read the following story, from CNN or ABC or CBS or anyone else eager to frighten - and arouse? - fliers:

"U.S. authorities are warning air travelers to expect greater scrutiny of vibrators and other sex toys at security checkpoints after intelligence suggested they could be used to hide explosive devices.

A notice on the TSA's website - which is not accessible to anyone whose office blocks pornographic sites - warned about the possibilities that explosives might be hidden inside the sex toys and said the warning was "based on intelligence," originally acquired during an investigation into an unintelligent small-town Minnesota man named Terry Lester.

While there is no intelligence indicating the notoriously prudish Al-qaeda plans an imminent attack using the devices, authorities are worried about an increase in terrorist "chatter," which has been accompanied by giggling and bad puns.

A top military official told The Associated Press that the new warnings were examples of officials trying to anticipate terrorist attacks by imagining the most ridiculous scenarios, thus providing terrorists with an idea they never would have thought of on their own. Those carrying the toys can expect additional screening, particularly in the Bible Belt."


Lisa said...

I read your blog this morning and then on the way to town the worthington radio station was talking about it. Very funny. I told Dave that Waseca breeds some strange people. He said "He's not originally from there" Oh, that makes it better then. Ha. The radio said he had 3 girls that he could have used it on. Nice guy.

Shawn Fury said...

And did he really think that they'd use it? His plan was to give it to them and then trigger it when they used it. So an ex shows up at your house with a toy, eagerly asks you to see if it works, and you're just going to go, "Sure. By the way, why are you holding a remote?"

I think his plan had flaws.

It's like the worst shop class project ever.

Lisa said...

His roomates said it was in a bag marked xmas gifts. Wonder what they would have thought getting a gift like that from an ex boyfriend.